This weekend I was depressed.  I had bad dreams that people did not like me, so I took a gun and blew my head off.  I prayed real hard to have better dreams and I did, last night I dreamt that everybody liked me.  Weird huh?

Update on the future.  I figure 2012 will be interesting and people are tired of me talking about it.  I think those of us in Oklahoma are going to be ok, but that’s only a guess, I have nothing but hearsay to base it upon.  My X wife said she had a strong feeling and I also have a feeling.  Also based on a dream I had long ago that the earth shook really bad and we had no TV, radio or telephone.  The discrepancy is, there was no mention of the Internet in this dream and I’m not real sure if that is relevant, but I’m guessing we won’t have any Internet either.  This is my guess from my brief studies on the subject.  Planet X will be headed onto a path right at us or close to it.  As planet X follows this path it will go right thru the Asteroid belt, and when it does this, as it has done in the past, it will send asteroids in our direction, at least one will hit us.  This has happened before to our earth.  But as in the dream, we lived, but didn’t know what happened.   This could explain why it was before I was born I saw a mushroom cloud.  I always believed it was an atomic explosion but now I believe it might have been an asteroid slamming into the earth.  All of this makes me think of the Georgia Guide Stones.

I have moved in with my old girl friend who has always loved me, as I have learned a great and simple lesson.  Though we must try to love all, don’t leave behind those who love you the most, they deserve your most.  Don’t try to make friends with those who want nothing to with you, just like Jesus when faced by a town of people who wanted him to leave, who thought swine were more important than people, he just walked away, that’s what you got to do. 

I’ve bought my girl friend an engagement ring, we plan on getting married in May.  She has lost her job.  I hope she finds a job soon so that we can begin to make plans.  I will be a grandfather in February and I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I’m supposed to be happy, but the grandchild will live over a thousand miles away so what’s the point, just means I’m getting older, but I’ll pretend to be happy because that’s what I’m supposed to do.  We are supposed to visit in May when the child is baptised and please don’t comment about the value of children being baptised, I will not post it, it doesn’t matter.  I believe God appreciates it anytime we think of him, and yes I believe God is a him based on a dream I had, so leave that one alone also.  We don’t know, we really don’t, people should just be allowed to believe what they want, you don’t know, so how can you tell anybody that they are wrong, because you might find yourself turning around some day and saying, “they were right all along.”

If my girlfriend gets a job I will buy me a new computer, it will have a solid state hard drive, something I’ve been waiting for a very long time.  I thought hard drives that spin in circles at thousands of rpms just to give us our data was a joke and was always wondering when we would move out of the dark ages, finally, can’t wait to get my hands on it.  A job with the Coca Cola Company looks promising, I will pray.

This blog used to link with my facebook, recently that has not worked, I need to figure out why, but if this post doesn’t, well then I’ll have to do it my self.  My facebook name is Minister Roger Peacefulpoet.  Sounds corny I know, but that was the only way facebook would let me do it, as I have recently became an ordained minister.  I had to make my first name minister, it would not except reverend.

Emily, one of my friends on facebook just brought up a good point.  Whether or not the green house effect really has an effect on the climate is only one part of the problem, a lack of oxygen is causing people to become sick.  Recently it has been discovered by accident that a lack of oxygen causes paranoia in people.   I was at a party some time back and someone had mentioned how everyone is so paranoid these days, I said, “it was the lack of oxygen.”  Everyone laughed, they thought I told a joke.  The other problem is TV,  if you come to know me you’ll hear me blame a lot things on the TV, but it is to blame for a lot of things.  On TV, the glass is almost always half empty.  We seem to be attracted to that, but in the end, the hero always wins.  In the real world we are never faced with all this death and destruction, and while we imagine ourselves as being the hero, in real life, we can never be that person, because that person is acting and the story is never real, even when they call it reality tv.  So we look around us and expect those we like to be that imaginary hero.  When we look at others we will always compare them with those we encounter on tv, the good and the bad, and these are only people acting out characters that don’t even exist.  So when the earth shakes and the tv will no longer work, it will be a good thing, we will be forced to see each other and ourselves as we really are and stop pretending to be something else or expecting others to be different.  The hypnotic trance of consumerism will pass and we will have to find new ways to be happy.  Rather than buying new things and throwing old things away, we will learn the value of things, ultimately the value of each other.

First of all, let me just say. Is their a God, Isn’t there a God, Heaven or Hell and how does that judgment thing work? I don’t know and you don’t know, but we have an idea based on our own studies and observations, and what we first learn is usually what we believe until we unlearn it later in life. We don’t know until we are dead if what we believe is right or wrong, until then, it is just a belief and all beliefs, I believe deserve equal respect. Equally I respect those who agree with me and those who do not.

Jesus had indicated that his blood would be shed for our forgiveness of sins.

No one has lived a perfect life, nor could anyone. It is impossible, first of all, because we don’t know why we are here and what we are supposed to be doing here. If we had this knowledge, we possibly could not live with ourselves knowing that many of us are utterly failing. Because if all was perfect, we would be good caretakers of this earth, realizing it as a gift God has given us in order to sustain our life. If we were all perfect, there would not be a hungry person among us, no one would be lonely. If we lived perfect lives, there would never be war. So this knowledge is hid from us, otherwise we may not be able to live with our selves. However Jesus was perfect, he knew why he was here, he knew what he had to do and he knew what would happen to him and followed thru to the very end. Jesus was a special soul, in my opinion, he is our older brother. He is what we collectively strive to be and in so doing, will one day, be like him, if we are true followers of him.

I found this set of videos that describe what I believe about Jesus perfectly. Jesus taught that if weeds grow amongst the good plants. If we remove the weeds we might destroy the good plants. So he leaves them there, and only until the harvest does he separate them. This is what Jesus did, this is how he taught us, and you might understand more of what that means if you watch these videos.

http://www.secretsofjesuschrist.com/

Salvation: We are not saved until we enter the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven, until then we are only on our way there and have only made a choice to go that direction. I do not doubt that I will be saved. In a dream many years ago I was told: “God takes us as if we were a ball of clay and makes us unto himself.”

Jesus said he had to shed his blood for our forgiveness. Jesus also said that if your right hand offend you, then cut it off, so that you may enter the kingdom. If we all took what Jesus said literally, many of us would be walking around with one less hand, while thanking Jesus for allowing his blood be shed so that we may be forgiven. That wouldn’t make any sense. Where we are failing is by taking the scriptures literally. It is poetry, words from the heart or dream talk.

By observing The Life, The Teaching and The Death of Jesus, and using these three things as an example, to the best of our ability, that is the path, he gave us to follow. Before that time, we were in darkness. But we’re not going to be perfect, we’re going to make mistakes, but while he lived and still lives he had shown that he had the power to forgive sins and was always graciously willing to do so, he didn’t have to die to do that. And he is still alive and is there for us should we need forgiveness. Now we can ask in prayer, anyone of us, anywhere, at any time. That’s what he meant by, I shed my blood so that you may be forgiven.

I find the letters of Paul to be very contra-virtual, I always have. While some of his teachings are like those of Jesus, others are just way off. I do not put my faith in the letters of Paul and I believe that Christians put to much faith in them.

Cindy Sheehan posted this on her Facebook and I thought I should repost it. Discouraged, Satan is the ruler of this world and we can’t change that. I tried to commit suicide and lived anyways and what the hell for. I’ll tell you why:

If I can stop one tear from falling today, I will have a good day. If you could stop one tear today, you can have a good day. If we all stopped one tear, we can all have a better day and the world can have a better day. We can never win, “BUT” we can make things better and that’s why we’re here.  So do your part and “STOP ONE TEAR TODAY”. Don’t give up like I tried to do.

Peace and Love
Roger

Today I worked on Christie’s old computer. It seemed somebody, probably the tech who upgraded it spilled coffee or soda on one of the memory chips, cleaned it up and added a larger chip and a faster lan card. Well it’s still slow, its an old computer and windows xp is still to big for it, unfortunately windows 98 is no longer supported, but its workable. Have the printer Debbie gave me and added that to it, and it works : ), Currently playing streaming radio from Pandora and dancing around my computer room and drinking beer, trying to be as happy as can be. There is one maybe two possibly three people who think it’s wrong for me to be happy, yes maybe even a fourth. It will be sad to see you all die in misery, I’m sorry I tried to be your friend, but that was turned into some kind of criminal activity. Sorry you feel that way. Just waiting for 2012, the beginning of justice I believe it will be.

Tomorrow I will try to add Internet phone and get off of Dawn’s wireless plan. That should work.

Haven’t worked on my book today, I will get back to it, I was working on its calender yesterday, it’s a little confusing.

Love you all, wished everyone loved me to, unfortunatly that is some kind of tabbo sinful thing. Don’t understand that and I feel sorry for those who feel that way.

I will say this much though, for those of you who have turned me into some kind of monster. All I can say, you can do that to anybody because nobody is perfect, and you better be careful, when the judgement day comes, what you have done to me just might be done to you, I suggest you make it right, but that’s just my opinion.

I told Nancy, I think people think I’m evil, she told me I was just being paranoid, you know you’re a good person, I know you’re a good person. And I do know I’m a good person, I would help out anyone and would not hurt nobody. I should have never left Nancy.

You want to hear something weird.  On the day that I tried to kill myself, there was a woman I knew about 6 years (correction: 8 years) ago who also tried to kill herself on that very same day.  Unlike me, having the pills all laid out in front of her, she changed her mind and strangely instead of dyeing like I was supposed to, I lived.  I wonder what would have happened if she decided to take those pills, we probably would have both died and it might of went like this.

Here I am standing before God, and God asks me, “What the hell did you do that for?”  I would reply, “nobody loves me.”  God would say, “Standing beside me here is a woman who loved you.”

She changed her mind and I lived.  Why did I live, maybe I got another chance.  I looked her up online and found her daughter on Facebook.  Contacted her daughter who gave me her mother’s phone number and we’re dating again.  In my lifetime I will have at least made one person happy, and that is worth living for.

Here’s the deal.  She loved me like no other women ever has and I dumped her in the dirt for someone else.  It had been done to me so I did it to her, a women who has never hurt me and I hurt her badly.  True, we did have an agreement, but I knew she loved me and I knew I would hurt her and yet I let her believe we would be forever and left her any ways.

She’s older than me, but you know what; Mohammed’s first wife, the woman it is said that he loved the most was 15 years older than him.  She proposed to him when he was 20 and he stayed with her, her whole life and when she died Mohammad was very sorry the day she had died.  So if an older women was ok for Mahammed, an older women is ok for me.  The women who has loved me the most and has never hurt me and has only been good to me, I have hurt the worst, yet she still loves me and is still good to me.  I don’t deserve her, but still she is mine.

A lesson I have learnt in my fifty years.  Such a simple lesson, yet I have been so slow to learn it.  Though we should love everyone, love those who love you the most, and you will live happy your whole life, no matter what terrible things may befall you.

Love
Roger

I told my therapist about how I remember before I was born.  I was in a wonderful place where there was perfect peace that is indescribable. Looking down I saw awful things, fighting and murder and such, I can’t recall all the details but I do remember the last thing I saw was a mushroom cloud bellowing up. An older man with white hair, beard and moustache (who in my younger years I believed was Jesus) came to me and said, “It’s time to go.” I felt like I knew it was coming but I was hoping it wouldn’t happen. I just could not believe after seeing all this, I would be sent there, I was distressed so much that my inside shook and tears flowed from my eyes. Understanding my pain, the older man wanting to reassure me that I would be okay put his hand on my shoulder and said, “It will be Okay.” You figure my father who was abusive never hurt me and  I spent 14 years in the Navy and never even fired a gun.

So my therapist told me a story about when she was eight and had an out of body experience.  She was very sick lying on the coach and left her body. The pain went went away and she felt so wonderful.  She was told she had to return but didn’t want to but was gently forced to anyways.

There is a better place to be where we all love each other and there is peace and happiness. I tried to go back there but couldn’t, so I guess I’m here for a reason and may someday find out why, maybe I will know why in 2012.

But never the less, I’m not crazy just because I remember something others cannot.  Things greater then we can explain.

So there we go.

Love
Roger

If you start a bridge on fire and then try to put the fire out, you might get burnt, but I wished you would have, I wished you could have and I thank you for the effort.

I know I have done some wrong, and if I ever hurt anyone, it was by accident, I never meant to hurt anyone.

I have been wronged too by some of you.

I may never be forgiven but I have forgiven everyone and hate no one and am happier for it, and you can be too if you chose too.

I regret that there are some who had a special place in my heart and are no longer reachable. But my porch light is always on and everyone is welcome.

Sincerely
Roger Harkness

What’s Inside Of You

Those who live long wish to die soon
Those about to die wish to live long
Its never right
Why is everything always wrong
So who wrote the rules
I have a few things to say to that one
They say be happy
So be happy
and they find something you did wrong
Then they will say
It is because we love you
What’s up with this always finding something wrong song
Just go on
Pay no attention
Nothing to see here
Except fear
Afraid to say what is on your mind
Afraid they will laugh at you for
A long long time
The straight road is square
Boring
A crooked road is wasteful
And I have a bucket full of things to save
No place to store them
Do you have room for me
Will you be my friend
Oh I’m sorry
Did I ask you to sin
You can blame me for what you feel
And I’ll take my pill
But there is a darkness inside of you
The light may never fill

By:  Roger Harkness
09/11/09

The First American Lived Before Christ, In China

A poem I posted in November of last year I re-posted on my Facebook, because Confucius was a very smart man.  But there is something very strange that he does that I could never understand.

First of all, this was before television was invented, before the days that we were all brain washed, plus there was far more oxygen in the air and a whole lot less paranoia.   Even though they hadn’t gone to the moon or was driving SUVs, people were very smart about the important things, they had what science calls “common sense.”  Something that got lost I think when we invented SUVs, but I’m not certain about that.  Just trying to make you understand that intelegence was alive and well and Confucious was one of the wisest.

Confucious taught something that was very strange that I could not understand.  He would have men and women seperated, they were not allowed to even walk together.  Women had to walk on one side of the street and men on the other.  That seemed so ignorant and yet it came from such an intellagent man.

I’ve lived 50 years now and I see that nothing on this earth has hurt me more than women, yet, nothing on this earth have I loved more than women.  Now this is really strange.  It seems the more I love women the more I am hurt by them, yet it is love that they seek and it is love that I give.  This is a great mystery folks.  This falls right in there with rocket science, and I’m not a rocket scientist, so I’m just really confused.

Why is it that God made it so that men and women would want each other, yet be so different that they keep missunderstanding eachother and hurting one another.  It occured to me that inorder to survive, you’ve got to forgive, or you can’t live.  I’m telling you this is a fact.  You’re going to get sick and tired and probebly die of cancer if you don’t forgive those who hurt you.   So we are forced to learn to forgive or we won’t live.

Forgivness I believe is one of the greatest virtues there will every be.  Maybe Jesus didn’t exist, or like Islam believes, did not die on the cross.  No matter.  The story is full of moral.  The greatest story ever told, whether true or not.  After all the ugly things they had done to him, just before he dies, he says, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”  Simply amazing, and he teaches that we should be like him.  So maybe men and women were created so different so that we could learn to be more like the greatest story ever told.

If you can forgive those who have hurt you, you are a better person, and probably a happier person and a healtheir person than those who cannot forgive you.

Road Lover

You’re caught
in my eyes
Can’t get away
Smiling
your heart goes thump
Just a small push
And you think
you’ll jump
I would
Something inside says
I should not
So I won’t
I’ll just leave
And get up and go

I like the road
It gets me there
And it gets me out of here
It’s a long road
With a tall sky
Lots of questions
Makes you wonder why
You never know
Till you get there
It’s a long way to find out

My hearts glued to the floor board babe
It gets squashed between my foot and the pedal
Pushed against the metal
I’m not really going anywhere
But I just got to get there
Have a home
But I don’t want to be there
when I’m home
Don’t want to leave there

There’s a woman who understands this
Don’t know how she does that
I can’t even explain it
But as she looks me in the eye
She tells me why

Someday – I’ll reach the end
and she knows it
And she’s waiting for me
to get there

By: Roger Harkness

*********************

I didn’t write many poems when I was a truck driver, but this is one of them as you can tell.