While I have done some good things in my life, I have not always been a good person. As time goes on we build upon ourself, the good and the bad. It’s important to build good things. Be careful not to hurt others. You might think they deserve it, or you deserve better, but that’s your devil. The only thing anybody deserves on this earth is love and the lack of it is destructive to yourself and others. It is never right to hold back your love. When you get old you might find yourself alone and unloved, and that is no fun. To be left alone is no fun at all. Build good things upon yourself and love all things.

Stop The Mud

the mud is flooding in
roots pulled up
vines twisted and tangeled around my feet
mud getting deep and hard to breath

I want to float
I want to fly
In a blue sky
But I’m held down in the past
Please make this stop
how long is this going to last
Can’t you let forgivness loose on me
and let me free
This is slow death
How can this be
I’d give my life so that you could be free

By Roger Harkness
8/3/09

Man! That Just Irritates Me

If you’re better than me
Then you must be able to
to take care of me

Please do that for me
I’d appreciate that
But you won’t
Because you can’t
Because you’re not
Better than me

That’s okay with me
I don’t expect you to be
Better than me
or to take care of me

But it irritates me
As you continue to pretend
To be better than me

By:  Roger Harkness

The Sea

Our ships on an open course
Swimming in the sea
I look over the side and wonder how it could be
Clear dark blue, but the bottom can’t be seen
then I look to my side
To sight the flying fish of the sea
They look like little airplanes skipping like a stone
Though they fly through the air, the sea is their home
The dolphins play chicken in front of our keel
Jumping in front of our course
You can see the joy they feel
Because of what we see
We know the Lord is happy
The water turns from the color of clear dark blue
To a dull seaweed green
We know the weather’s gonna get mean
We wait respectfully
Fifteen foot mountains of water
Roll thunderously across the sea
Tops of water mountains are broken up by a fierce wind force
There’s a little bit of fear within us as we brave the mighty sea.
Wondering if we have yet to see worse
As the ship dives into each mountain of water
It protests by rumbling its beams and shaking its nose
We pray
Having fear in that thing that has created what we see
For a sailor knows the fierceness of the Lord
By the fierceness of the sea

By:  Roger Harkness

Life On Planet Earth

A fish gets caught when it takes the bait
The fisherman throws it back
A fly gets caught in a spider web
The spider will attack
And an elephant is frightened by a mouse

Just when we thought we understood
We thought we knew our place
And knew for what to stand

A raging bull tripped over a rainbow
and got hurt
It never raged again
A roaring lion got its feelings hurt
When a blue bird told it to be quiet
It never roared again
And a big old giant oak tree was chopped down

Two people cannot live together
A mother kills her baby
A father leaves his child
And people are afraid to love

Do we produce food
Will we refuse to eat
Why will we not love
and be loved

Our inner selves die
While our body lives on
The fate of our dead selves
is in our own hands

By:  Roger Harkness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of my earlier poems I wrote when I was a teenager. When my dad read it he said that I was too negative and idealistic, he said he once was like that also.

Lets brake this down, art is painting a picture, we don’t make it up, we just portray it so others can see it. Can’t help that this world is negative. I grew up on food stamps and state aid and had to constantly listen to how those people on food stamps and state aid are, even from my own father who was responsible for us being on food stamps and state aid by leaving us. It was never the way Disney said it would be, there was never a happy ever after. Maybe if my dad didn’t stop playing his guitar and singing his songs he might understand my poetry, better yet, maybe he could have stuck around and taught me how to be more positive. Any ways, I hope you like the poem and sorry if it is negative.

Here We Go Again

I’ve been on top of the mountain
and I’ve been in the valley
I remember the past
and I know the future
I’m not always right
and I’m not always wrong
Things don’t always go as planned

One thing I know for sure
I’ve been there
and you may be too
I wish I could tell you like they tried to tell me
But I wouldn’t listen to them
and you won’t listen to me
We all have to make our own mistakes
It’s the way we see
I just wish this didn’t have to be

Maybe if we judged ourselves as harshly as we judge others
Maybe then it could be

By:  Roger Harkness
5/27/09

Battling With High Blood Preasure and Sexuality

Luckier than most, I caught it early and found a smart doctor who knows why and can explain it to me.  My delima is that I can’t take DHEA or Yombe as those two items appear to raise my blood pressure.  These two items do very well keeping you sexually young.

This is a strange thing that young people might not understand, but I’m sure many my age would understand.

In my younger days I would masturbate and get myself off about 3 times a day and I thought I was a sinner and I felt real guilty about it, but it seemed I couldn’t do nothing about it.  When a women walked by who I found attractive, magic would happen inside, I would be awe struck, like a dear in headlights.

Years later I had discovered that there was nothing sinful about this at all.  It is perfectly natural. Everybody is different and some people are more sexual then others and it is not a curse or sign of weakness, but a blessing that has been ruined by an awful belief that sex is sinful.

How can you explain this to a young person without coming off sounding like a perv?  That is a very painful thing.  Very sad that we live in a society that is sex phobia and sadly the young people pick it up right away and will also bear their children in sinfulness.  Only Jesus born of a virgin is righteous.  If I’m not mistaken, this is the 21st century isn’t it?

Now that I’m older and this magic no longer happens and it is even difficult to get off once a day, sometimes impossible.  Some would say that I’m still pretty lucky.  There are a few who have never experienced an orgasm and yet others, very rarely and they might mistakenly believe it is because they are righteous while inside they feel anger finding it difficult to experience bliss.  Be careful of these people.  I believe they are the conservatives who believed in Bush, I bet you Dick Cheney is one of them.

We need to learn to talk about these things. Ok, that’s all I have to say for now.

I had a dream once where I died, it was a long, long ago, sometime I’m guessing in the late 1800s, I was a bank robber. I was a tall strong man who wore glasses. I stepped out of a Lutheran Church, walked down some steps and then down a walkway and nearby was a man seated on a bench, when I got passed him he shot me in the back three times and I died. He was a bounty hunter. I woke up. I thought it strange how I knew I was bank robber and that I was leaving a Luthern Church and the man who shot me a bounty hunter. Until I had this dream I used to have back pains right where the bullets landed but since the dream the pain has not appeared. I believe this was my earlier life and that would explain why I am not a tall strong man today and why I could not stay in heaven.

Strangely I have always remembered before I was born. I was in a wonderful place where there was perfect peace that is indescribable. Looking down I saw awful things, fighting and murder and such, I can’t recall all the details but I do remember the last thing I saw was a mushroom cloud bellowing up. An older man with white hair, beard and mustache (who in my younger years I believed was Jesus) came to me and said, “It’s time to go.” I felt like I knew it was coming but I was hoping it wouldn’t happen. I just could not believe after seeing all this, I would be sent there, I was distressed so much that my inside shook and tears flowed from my eyes. Understanding my pain, the older man wanting to reassure me that I would be okay put his hand on my shoulder and said, “You will be Okay.” You figure, hey, I was born in America, it hasn’t been perfect but its been okay. I spent 14 years in the Navy and never fired a gun.

When I was very little we used to have this red and white encyclopaedia set called the book of knowledge. When I would take my nap everyday I liked to look at the pictures. Sometimes when I went to take my nap I didn’t have one to look at, so I would pray to God and one would appear, when I opened it I would see that same mushroom cloud bellowing up into the sky and then it would stop and a red X would be painted over it. I had this happen about six times, but wasn’t counting so I don’t really know how many times. I was very little, before I was in kindergarten, I was psychic then. I always knew that the phone was going to ring and I always knew who was calling.

I’ve read the bible and book of Revelations several times; belonged to many churches, been baptized three times and been to several alter calls. I’m thinking it was around 1988, but one day I woke up and really began to question things. Who condemned me that I should need salvation? All of a sudden the idea that I would go to hell for not finding salvation became ludicrous and I realised that it was I who condemned me for believing something that is completely stupid. So I decided to throw out everything that I ever believed and start over. First I decided that there was a God, there had to be, looking at all of creation and its perfection, perfection cannot come by accident – and nature is more than perfect, it is art above anything we could create if we tried, no, it could not be an accident, there must be a God. So I began to study ALL religions.

I’ve read almost every scripture I could find, studied most all religions and doctrines. Hindu, Buddhism, Confucius, Indian, etc. I settled on the Gnostic religion believing the church was in aposticy.

The Gnostics believed that there were two gods. The false god was created but did not know there was anything created before it and thought it was god and created us, but we did not live and the true God had mercy and came down and breathed into us the breath of life, thus we are the only animal on this earth having a living soul. A living soul capable of great things but trapped into a carnal body. Jesus’s life, teaching and death was all about freeing our living soul. The old testament would reference both the true and false god and get the two mixed up which would explain why we have a god who would claim to be jealous and tell us to kill innocent women and children. Then I had this dream in 1996:

Now I have the truth, but it is such a little piece of truth with a million questions. I’ve prayed for further explanation for years and not received an answer, I finally decided that if I did know how we are taken like a ball of clay and made unto God, or what that even means and what is the false god and the true God? If I knew all these answers I could then tell which church was true and which church was false. I could tell which religion was false, and what one was true. I could even know what system of beliefs was right or wrong. MAYBE I’m just not supposed to know that, because there are people who very much love God and try to do His will and want to believe that they are, what would happen if I came along and told them they were wrong? Does it matter, beliefs are nothing more than strings of ones and zeros that we put together in the back of our head. When we stand before the judgment we may receive a reward for our belief in God not our belief about God but MOSTLY we will be judged according to our works.

It is now 2009 and by 2012 The Aztec Pahana is to return with the missing corner to signal the beginning of the new brotherhood; is this Jesus?

During my life I have made several attempts at suicide and thought about it much when my feelings get hurt because I know there’s a better place to be, I remember being there and all I want to do is go back there. I’ve just turned 50 today, having lived a half a century and decided it’s time to stop being a cry baby and sit down and figure out what this is all about. If you could help, I started a new group. I Remember Before I Was Born

~Roger The Okcitykid~

I think Net Neutrality is very important.  Some people will tell me that the Internet is full of porn or that we should be talking to each other face to face, while these arguments have some merit, these same people have tvs and spend most of their free time watching them.  First of all, what is porn, it is sex, what is sex, it was how you and I were created, is that so wrong?  Ok, now what’s on tv.  You will watch five people die a day, how can that be good.  So what’s the logic, there isn’t none, we are brain washed, really, we are.  The other argument, I will agree we need to visit more with eachother, but when we do, we talk about tv, really.  You know what’s really funny about tv shows, you never watch anybody watch tv, but thats what most of us do.  Our lives our so unreal, living our lives in a tv show.  So give me the Internet and the porn, it’s more real than you and your tv watching people die every day.

Net neutrality is very important. What the phone companies and cable companies want us to do is to have those of us who provide content (blogs, personal pages and myspace/facebook/etc.) on the Internet, pay them to host it at high speed, the free sites slow speed, so that once again there will be a one way conversation between the haves and have nots just like Print, TV and Radio. Right now our democracy is those who have the most dollars have the votes, it’s a scam guiding us with misinformation and entertainment. The Internet is turning that around and we can’t let them take that away from us. That’s my soap box. Later.

I can relate to this song. I’m almost fifty, grew up mostly in Springfield, Illinois, the land of wheat and corn fields for miles and miles.

My best friend Calvin stood about six foot tall and had a full beard and Mustache when he turned 14. His mother had been married about 6 times and her last husband she tried to run over with her car in the driveway, ya, so he left.

Calvin ran away from home at 14 using a false identity passing off as a 17 year old he landed himself a job in an old folks home as a nurse’s aid.

At fifteen he got married and had a son and by 16 he was divorced. It was at this time he had announced that he was bisexual and became a pimp for one prostitute and she was a beauty. I would come by and visit everyday. She would tell me stories of her life of how other pimps would threaten her with a gun or beating but Calvin was so gentle. I was in love with her beauty, strength and openness, but she saw me as a sweat innocent virgin that she dared not corrupt and I’m thinking, corrupt me, corrupt, but I never got so lucky.

All manner of people would come thru his door. Men who dressed up like women hoping to pick up another guy and not get beat up, Drug pushers, dealers and hit men.

And I was 16, living in Springfield, Illinois, the land of wheat and corn fields for miles and miles.  At seventeen I figure I already seen it all so I might as well joint the Navy, that was 34 years ago.