Update April 28, 2007
I
have always remembered before
I was born. I was in
a wonderful place where there was perfect
peace that is indescribable. Looking down I saw awful things,
fighting and murder and such, I can't recall all the details but I do
remember the last thing I saw was a mushroom cloud bellowing up. An
older
man with white hair, beard and mustache (who in my younger years I
believed was Jesus) came to me and said, "It's time to go." I
felt like I knew it was coming but I was hoping it wouldn't happen.
I just could not believe after seeing all this, I would be
sent there, I was distressed so much that my inside shook and tears
flowed from my eyes. Understanding my pain, the older man
wanting to reassure me that I would be okay put his hand on my shoulder
and said, "You will be Okay." You figure, hey, I was born in
America, it hasn't been perfect but its been okay. I spent 14
years in the Navy and never fired a gun.
As a baby I was Blessed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day
Saints March 5th, 1961 and
when I became of age (8), I was baptized into The Reorganized Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My parents had divorced and fallen
away from the church. When I turned 13 I joined the First
United
Pentecostal Church and was baptized there and at 14 I left that church.
They believed that if you didn't speak in tongues you were
not saved and I after much prayer at the alter decided to pretend that
I had spoken in tongues and was baptized the next evening, I felt
really guilty about it
and when I told them what I did, they told me that wasn't true, but
that Satan wanted me to believe I had not really spoken in tongues. I
than began to carefully read the bible and attend
various different churches, in less than a year I read the bible.
When I had gotten to
the new testament I read where Jesus said it is better to loose a hand
or a foot if it offend thee and enter heaven maimed rather then the
bottomless pit whole. Sex is something I felt very guilty
about, many may have an opinion about that, but I have mine, and you
can find it here.
I took a knife and intended to cut my hand off
but chickened out, I just couldn't do it and I cried over it, while now
it seems so foolish, I feel I must tell this part just in case another
young person might be just as foolish.
The
bible is a dangerous thing for someone so serious as me and it is a
shame I had no one to talk to about these things, and unfortunately, in
our selfish busy world, many things do fall through the cracks.
It has been said that breaking the bible down into sentences was one of
the worst things that could be done. One sentence alone has a
much different meaning than it might when read with the rest of the
paragraph, and here Jesus is talking about war, death and killing, a
good example would be running to Canada rather than being drafted into
Vietnam. One must make a choice and neither one is a good
one, but one is better than the other. To
read the whole gospel, you read about a man who fought against those
who would condemn us in the name of his father, who himself was killed
by them. But if you take small scriptures out by themselves,
away from
all the rest, you completely deform the wonderful gospel of Christ.
Forgiveness,
mercy, tolerance is what it's about, but self righteousness was a
bigger sin.
When
God made us - He repented of himself, for we were sinful, but Abraham
teaches us that faith may be counted towards us as
righteousness.
Believe in Jesus who refused to stone the prostitute but set her free
yet towards the scribes and pharisees - it could be said, he gave em
hell. The prostitute became his friend while the (supposed
righteous
had him nailed to the cross), something to think about.
I think in
our churches today the self righteous rule over the honest. When
Jesus says, to look upon a women with lust is sin, he was speaking
to the hypocrites who thought they were spotless.
I joined the Navy when I turned 18 and my search continued.
While in the Philadelphia Ship yards, me and two other
buddies joined the Philadelphia Lamb House, it turned out to be a
cult (A
cult being a church
or religion that takes from you your free will.) That
and what brought me here, in itself is
a story. I
was angry,
I felt like I was tricked and I prayed to God asking why He let me be
tricked and that night in a dream an angel spoke to me explaining that
it was I who let myself be tricked. I had a bible, a Chaplin
and lay leaders, there are churches and chapels, but they weren't good
enough for me, I had to look elsewhere, why did I do that?
When I awoke I was no longer angry but knew it was my fault
and decided that I would be more careful what I decided to believe.
Before I believed anything, I would study it first.
On my second 4 year hitch I found myself on shore duty in New Haven,
Connecticut. Having learned that the Catholic church was the
first church and all other churches had broken off of her, I decided I
would investigate and had gotten involved in Saint Mary's Church of
Derby, Connecticut where I lived, a small town outside New Haven,
Connecticut. I joined the Catholic Church May 12, 1984 and
became involved in the Renew program. Wanting to learn more, a year
later I joined an independent bible church. An open minded
church that delved into the scriptures; who believed that both Catholic
and Protestants were Christian and there also I was baptized, not to be
saved, but only to reconfirm my faith.
On my third hitch in the Navy I found myself in Port Hueneme,
California. Here I returned to where I was first blessed, The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon).
I believe it was
around 1987, but I don't have any documentation on that, but when I get
an exact date, I'll update this. I had a good friend who was
Mormon who I found to be full of love and patience and when I learned
that they believed that we came from a higher place before we came
here, I was sold. I left the Mormon church, and really, the
only reason I left was because they believe in eternal marriage and I
was not a happily married man and eternal marriage for me would have
been hell. For personal reasons I could not accept their teachings and
so I then returned to the church I was first baptized in, The
Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the other
Mormon church).
Shortly after leaving the LDS church, I'm thinking 1988, I woke up one
day and really began to question things. Who condemned me
that I should need salvation? All of a sudden the idea that I
would go to hell for not finding salvation became ludicrous and I
realized that it was I who condemned me for believing something that is
completely stupid. So I decided to throw out everything that
I
ever believed and start over. First I decided that there was
a God, there had to be, looking at all of creation and its perfection,
perfection cannot come by accident - and nature is more than perfect,
it is art above anything we could create if we tried, no, it could not
be an accident, there must be a God. So I began to study ALL
religions.
I
turned the insideout, thus the name of my domain. Other
factors contributed to this as well, 24 hour sunlight in Antarctica, a
woman who claimed to be a witch had a spell on me and a bad marriage
were I would always play the role as that bad man like men are.
(She finally left this bad man for another bad man who I'm
sure is not as bad as me.) During this time, I would write
about four poems a day and became very emotional and easily hurt, and
that's a whole nother story.
I've read almost every scripture I could find,
studied most all religions and doctrines. Hindu, Buddhism, Confucius,
Indian, etc. I settled on the Gnostic
religion believing it was the true church that had been taken up and
was no longer here, I came to that conclusion from a letter I found
from the Christian Apocrypha about the Secret Book of Mark, a gospel
that no longer exists. It spoke of truths hidden behind seven veils and
those being initiated into great mysteries. What is this and what
churches practice these things today, things that were once of the
Christian church. The Gnostics believed that there were two gods. The
false god was created but did not know there was anything created
before it and thought it was god and created us, but we did not live
and the true God had mercy and came down and breathed into us the
breath of life, thus we are the only animal on this earth having a
living soul. A living soul capable of great things but trapped into a
carnal body. Jesus's life, teaching and death was all about
freeing
our living soul. This I came to believe with a vague understanding.
Then I had this dream
in 1996:
Without question, thought or prayer - for no reason what-so-ever. I had
this dream one night: I saw nothing, but only heard a voice, a voice
that was both male and female, I can't explain that. The
voice said,
"It is true that the body is made by the false god, but the false god
also creates the soul. This continues to happen, but God takes you and
makes you unto himself as if you were a ball of clay and makes you His
own. This
process takes time." I woke up. That was the whole dream, one paragraph.
Now I have the truth, but it is such a little piece of truth with a
million questions. I've prayed for further explanation for years and
not received an answer, I finally decided that
if I did know how we are taken like a ball of clay and made unto God,
or what that even means and what is the false god and the true God?
If I knew all these answers I could then tell which church
was true and which
church was false. I could tell which religion was false, and what one
was true. I could even know what system of beliefs was right
or
wrong. MAYBE I'm just not supposed to know that, because there are
people who very much love God and try to do His will and want to
believe that they are, what would happen if I came along and told
them they were wrong? Does it matter, beliefs are nothing
more than strings of ones and zeros that we put together in the back of
our head. When we stand before the judgment we may receive a
reward for our belief in God but we will be judged according to our
works.
Matthew 25
31 "When
the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will
sit on his throne in heavenly glory.
32 All the nations will be gathered
before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a
shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.
33 He will put the sheep on
his right and the goats on his left.
34 "Then the King will
say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father;
take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation
of the world.
35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I
was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and
you invited me in,
36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick
and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37
"Then
the righteous
will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you
hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?
38 When
did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and
clothe you?
39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit
you?'
40
"The King will reply,
'I tell you the
truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine,
you did for me.'
41 "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are
cursed, ...
42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and
you gave me nothing to drink,
43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and
you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look
after me.'
44 "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty
or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help
you?'
45 "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for
one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
I
think it is good to take note that those being accepted are surprised
that
they are being accepted and those being asked to depart are
surprised that they were not chosen, proving that it is not what you
believe that will save you,
but what you do, and I think Jesus clearly spells that out here.
It
is now 2006 and by 2012 The
Aztec Pahana is to return with the missing corner to signal the
beginning of the new brotherhood; is this Jesus? Well, I
don't know, but I do know that if Jesus doesn't come soon we will bring
judgment upon ourself and our actions is proof positive that we need
salvation.
Once
a week the Mormon missionaries came by to to visit. Like
my friend
back then, they are full of love and patience. (You shall know them by
their fruit.) I like their
teaching - it is by the grace of Jesus's act that none
shall perish, that makes sense to me. According
to their teaching there are three heavens and depending on the life you
live on this earth, you will either go to the first or the last heaven,
that makes sense to me also. I don't remember learning this
when I was baptized over 20 years ago, but I may have forgotten or
possibly wasn't paying attention. Concerning that third
heaven,
that might very well be this earth.
I
did not realize this before, but according to the history books, the
Book of Mormon was written in six months. You can't write a book like
that in six months, it must be inspired word.
On
6/15/2006, the Mormon missionarys came to visit. Their answer
to the contradiction found here http://okcitykid.bravejournal.com/entry/21518
is that Genesis was interpreted incorrectly and that Moses is the more
correct interpretation. I kind of thought that's what it would be I
told them. I didn't disagree, because we don't know, but I'm not so
sure either. I have come to understand why God has repented for
creating man (humans) on the earth from reading other scriptures not
found in the bible and now I am to believe that God didn't but Noah
did. I would have to learn over what I had believed is true, it would
require relearning. I have already done much relearning from careful
study and you're going to have to provide some proof that I am wrong
before I undue it.
We
went over the scriptures for the Aaronic priesthood. When
you become baptized and they lay-on-of-hands afterwards so that you may
receive the Holy Ghost, you are a member of the Aaronic priesthood if
you are a male of age. I was given a certificate 20+ years
ago when I was baptized. They asked me if I was willing to
live the life worthy of the Aaronic priesthood, I said, "no."
I explained that I do not yet believe that the Mormon Church
was the true church restored on earth. I told them that if
Dawn (my wife) was baptized and wanted to go to church every Sunday
that I would go with her, but as a guest. They asked what
they could do and I said nothing, it would take time if it was even
possible. I explained that from what I have studied, that
there were two things that would occur: first - the true
church would be taken, and I believe this had already happened about
one to two hundred years after Jesus died on the cross and second -
Jesus would return with the church that had been taken up and build his
kingdom on earth. I believe that the first thing happened and
that there was no true church on earth, not that they or anyone else
was a false church, but that we were all doing what we
could to
follow the will of God. They were no different than any other
church. They agreed that the original church was taken from the earth
and said that I was keeping an open mind and that I was half way there.
But
to my surprise, they were ready to leave after that. I
thought, what about my wife, didn't they want her to be baptized?
But I don't think they thought of that but were thrown back
by my answer not to renew my Aaronic Priesthood participation. My wife
said that they were very nervous, and I agreed that they were young and
didn't know the scriptures that well. Oh well, a
little shaken, but I'm sure they'll be ok - and that's where I stand
right now and probably for awhile.
I
like the missionarys
and parishioners, but my issue is higher up, and I think I expressed it
in a recent blog post of September 2, 2006:
I think if Jesus came
here tomorrow, I think he would
start slapping people. The first person he would slap would
be the
prophet (of the Mormon church), aren't you my prophet? What
the hells
wrong with you? Why the hell aren't you telling people, this isn't what
I wanted, Bush
lied.
Boy, I
think he would just slap him real hard, a couple times, for that.
Na,
Jesus won't hit nobody, that's not him. He'll just say, "When
did I
say you were my prophet, who made you my prophet?"
~Roger
The Okcitykid~
My Home
|
My
Journal
|
okcitykid@gmail.com
|
Site
Map
Home
